Embody the Church Girl

anxiety ridden thoughts
claw away at my happiness

 I think of bunching words

and it starts

"I'm not sure

 ends with --- I believe.”

Another confession
 that had a couple years of being
bunk buddies
with things I said I'd never tell
cause I thought it'd make my life easier

if I just played the role everyone knew so well.

 I've become haunted by the accusatory
pounding of "beyond redemption" in my ear drums

and my father won't approve
and our Father won't approve

and I'm not sorry
until I am
and my peace aka my ‘sin’ feels
like betrayal

always tapping my shoulder

reminding me to avoid pictures;
and asks for privacy
wants to be heard
without worrying about modesty

for generations
who don't know
how to speak on their own behalf
and follow the cycle
of religion

for fear of judgement;

I want to be the one unashamed

but then the saints
come knocking
over things in my head

reminding me of my upbringing
reminding me not to ask questions
but to ask for forgiveness.

that I'm not sure I need


The Things Schools Are Teaching